Crates on WordPress

Just another site

Let’s keep things super simple, shall we?

So, my name is Crates. You can find me on all sorts of places on the web, either at or or (for starters, which will lead you to all sorts of OTHER places I’m at).

I own an online metaphysical wholesaler store for wiccan and pagan stuff. Check it out if it’s the kind of things you like to shop for.

Maybe I can blog about some other stuff later, but for now, I’m just getting this online to complete my Disqus account. But here’s some biographical info to tide you over.

I’m a thrill-seeker and a self-employed business owner.

I jump out of perfectly good airplanes for my own entertainment. Currently, I’m working on my Advanced Free Fall skydiving certification. I always land running (and not on my ass).

I enjoy philanthropic hobbies like Habitat for Humanity. I’m currently a board member of a 501(c)(3) charitable organization.

I don’t smoke or drink (anymore)… I quit both in the beginning of 2011.

I bought a police car with sirens and everything, because at heart, I’m still like… eleven. Seriously, I’m just a little kid: I love watching cartoons, driving fast, dinosaurs, lego blocks and boobies.

I’m a fiend for animation, and hope to make it as a voice actor someday. For now, I’ll just have to settle for my self-made career in metaphysics.

I’ve never been married, and I don’t have any kids. Life is too short to be dealing with a bunch of little gremlins. I’d much rather have my DNA cryogenically stored in case someone wants to clone me someday. Who knows? Maybe my clone will have less psychological hangups about child-rearing.

When I have the time, I practice classical Spanish finger-style guitar, keyboard, piano, and the saxophone. As a hobby, I do local community theater, and I’ve been lucky enough to score a role in a full-length independent film, which I finished in late 2010 and premiered in March of 2011.

I’ve studied Polish, Hebrew, Russian, Spanish, American Sign Language, Lojban, Romanian and Mandarin Chinese… but to be honest, English and Spanish are the only languages I’m still fluent in. I’ve lost most of the rest over time.

Sometimes I like to write. I haven’t taken it seriously in many, many years, though. Producing music is also a joy of mine, and I definitely enjoy creating unique material, beats, songs, post-production and audio editing in general. I like being behind the camera, whether taking video or stills, and have a lot of fun editing those as well.

For fun, I enjoy free-climbing, snowboarding, waterskiing, bungee jumping, wakeboarding, kneeboarding, parasailing, traveling to new countries and continents, and learning about the world. As of January of 2012, I’ve been to Canada, Mexico, England, France, New Zealand, Australia, and almost every single state in the US. My favorite museums are the Louvre and the MoMA, where I’ve spent countless hours taking pictures during my visits over the years.

I’ve had quite a few brushes with near-death experiences. Nearly drowned a couple times, had my life saved by seatbelts/airbags twice, lots of close calls with potentially long falls (I did some free-climbing back in the day… basically, mountaineering with no harness). Nearly died of a ventricular tachycardia incident a couple years ago due to a congenital birth defect in my heart that nobody knew existed (but that has since been corrected via radial ablation). I’ve been at gunpoint before, but never shot at.

My favorite movie of all time is Fight Club. I have started five or six bare-knuckle boxing clubs over the years and fought in over 100 fights personally, broken my nose seven or eight times, split my lip twice, fractured my eye socket twice, and other various injuries. Haven’t fought in about four years, though.

I’ve ridden a horse bare-back into the ocean. I’ve waterskiied not only on regular skis, and also barefoot, but once on the noses of two dolphins. I have climbed the steps of Chichen Itza and the Eiffel Tower, walked on the stage of Shakespeare’s Globe Theater, (and been in his home), I’ve driven up across almost the entire western coast of Australia, a leprechaun once gave me a tiny wooden shillelagh (swear to GOD– I have witnesses), I’ve made phone calls to Antarctica and the White House, I’ve met the CEO of Intel, the founder of Dell computers, one of the co-founders of Apple computers, and got to meet the most notorious computer hacker ever to live behind closed doors and talk shop for a few hours, the day before he stole my identity in front of a live audience of over 1,500 people (with my permission).

My tastes in music are broad. I’m equally partial to Frank Sinatra as I am to Cee-Lo Green / Gnarls Barkley, System of a Down, Busta Rhymes, Erik Mongrain, Bitter: Sweet, Tim Minchin, Verve Remixed, Flight of the Conchords, Amon Tobin, Michael Hsiao, Propellerheads and Charlie Parker.

I’ve had some opportunities to party with some of my favorite celebs. Back in college, I got to hang out with MC Chris in the green room before he went on, and smoked a couple bowls with him after a show. He’s definitely among the most humble and enjoyable hiphop artists I’ve ever chilled with, right up there with Zach Deputy who is just a big damn teddy bear.

I got to hang out and talk shop for a few hours one-on-one with notorious social engineer and computer hacker Kevin Mitnick, and he stole my identity in front of 1500 people during an on-stage demonstration. I’ve gotten to meet CEOs of Cisco, Oracle, Intel and other large corporations. Michael Dell is a very driven man, but if you ask him about family life, he’ll tell you he’s got a lot of regrets about time missed from his kids. Steve Wozniak is just about one of the most chill, laid-back guys you’ll ever get a chance to hang out with.

I once gave Misha Collins a fetus. Yes, in person. No, don’t ask. To be honest, he’s a little bit abrasive and cocky… but what the hell, he’s pretty famous, so I’ll cut him some slack. If I had his level of clout, I’d be a total dick too. Jared Padalecki, on the other hand, is a total hometown-grown sweetheart with a heart of gold. Alona Tal is the same way, she’s a blast to party with, she knows how to drink, and she’s actually a quite decent singer. Richard Speight is at least as funny in person– actually, probably moreso even– than on TV.

Oh… and I have two cats (Mister Kitty, and Tux); both were rescues. I’m violently allergic, so I take Claritin every day.

It’s been awful fun sharing my life story with you. Catch you later!


Post Navigation